On Things I Don't Care About
And why I recommend you take a list of things you don't care about into 2024
“Look at usual things with unusual eyes” Vico Magistretti
I’m writing to you after a busy family time round our Christmas tree called Brutus. <I hope your time was good by the way, whatever you got up to>. We name each tree something different - 2022’s was Twinkle, the year before was Sparkle.
Till this year, we’d never chopped down a tree, dragged it to the car, then somehow without a net, got it in and home. Brutus was a brute of a tree to get in and up. He’s brutiful, don’t you agree?!
We’re at New Year and many of us have thought about what we don’t want to take into 2024. Maybe you’re scribbling a list, getting things together in your head, or not bothering at all.
Over Christmas I was reminded of a sensitive topic. We gathered together. There was lots of talk. We played games. We laughed. There was more talk.
I’m developing strong ideas about things I don’t care about - let me tell you, it wasn’t difficult to form my opinion on this. Most days I’m exposed to opportunities that help me learn more and more about what I just don’t care about. You are too. I’ll explain.
It’s about what I think are worthy or unworthy conversation topics. LISTEN to THE EPISODE
Picture the scene. Me sat on a sofa, Myrtle our cat beside me licking her paws, I was watching Total Drama Island, chomping on a Reeses piece, in my fleece pj’s. Bliss.
Out of nowhere springs Montgomery, one of my triplet brothers. He launches into several minutes, without a breath, describing chess moves and chess strategy.
Absolute waffle. He’d been playing chess and needed an audience. I’m not into chess. I cut him off and went back to my watching. I don’t care about his chess moves. Quick observation: I find Montgomery’s chess chatter about as interesting as a chainsaw on a quiet Sunday. Noisy and boring. It’s tiresome.
It’s not that chess is boring, it’s the way Montgomery drones on and on and on about it that confirms I don’t care about it. It’s not a worthy topic of conversation for me. It is for him, I get that.
Then there’s Horatio who sometimes quizzes me on flags of the world. I’m almost clueless beyond the UK and USA flags. I know, that’s a terrible admission. But it’s not my thing.
The link between these yawn worthy conversations is that both my trusty triplet sidekicks rattle away about things they’re passionate about. Activities they’re not only into but that they share intricate details on forever. Somewhere there must be people who could get into a conversation with my brothers on their passions. These people will care about the topics.
I zone out within seconds. This probably sounds rude, but I bet all my Christmas gifts that you do the same.
Tell me, what am I expected to do? Fake interest? Go through the motions even though it’s obvious I find these topics boring.
Awkward isn’t it.
Other people’s hobbies are high on my list of things I don’t care about as they’re unworthy conversation topics.
You might be thinking “Seraphina that’s too harsh”. I’m not convinced that hobbies I don’t share interest in, are conversation topics I should care about. When I’m subjected to dull and self indulgent droning, I promise I’ll try to fake polite interest. But it’s not my forte and I’m not sure it ever will be.
Weather is a very big thing not to talk about, as far I go. It's really boring. Brits talk about the weather all the time. In the episode Adult Sayings that Make No Sense one of the idioms I talk about is ‘It’s raining cats and dogs”. Britain’s geography make the weather the way it is: mild, changeable, and famously unpredictable. It means we never know quite what to expect. Snow in summer? T-shirts in winter? It’s all possible.
Brits talk about three main weather things.
Weather of that day - Cold day, isn’t it? Muggy day, don’t you think? Whether it’s breezy, drizzling, baltic, nippy, howling, foggy. I could go on.
Weather forecasts of upcoming weather - It looks like it’s going to be a storm, doesn’t it? Do you think we’ll have a white Christmas, or snow for New Year?
Weather from the past - Summer in my childhood was hot and sunny with sunshine all day. Not like summers now.
Oscar Wilde said conversation about the weather was the last refuge of the unimaginative, He was right. This topic is repetitive and subjective so it’s hard to have any kind of meaningful chat about it. You might say it’s a hot day and even though I think it’s only warm, the social convention is we agree with one another. How ridiculous!
It’s small talk on repeat. Can’t you look up your weather predictions online or look out of the window? Cut weather chat. I don’t care about it.
I’m wondering what you don’t care about in conversations - I’m not silly enough to try to imagine these topics. Isn’t it such a personal thing? Do you have a friend that talks to you about something they care about but it bores you? Or a relative that thinks you enjoy something but you only had a fleeting interest in. Do they bang on about that insignificant thing to you as if it’s a passion or your hobby?
Consider a double standard I have about sharing my dreams with people. Our dreams can be fascinating information. The key here is that it’s fascinating to ourselves because they’re personal. It can be hard to understand what someone has experienced if you weren’t there or haven't had a similar experience. That’s the difference between talking about our own dreams and listening to someone talking about their dream. Know what I mean?
I’m always sharing about my dreams. I usually share every tiny detail. I stop, start and try to remember what happened as I re-tell dreams. As a dream sharer I’m ever so happy. Even when I don’t understand what my dreams are about I tell them as they’re significant in my life.
BUT I expect interest in my dreams. I like to be listened to. Mama does pretty well paying attention to my dream monologues.
But when someone else shares their dreams with me, my interest flags. Their patchy recollection of the sequence of things gets oh so boring as I wait to hear them put pieces together. It can be excruciating as the listener.
But that’s it, we put up with it don’t we? Retelling of dreams is a thing I don’t care about UNLESS I’m the narrator. Can you believe how hypocritical I’m being?
Things I don’t care about - other people’s hobbies, weather talk and hearing about dreams. Yet, we’re all boring at times.
Mother Teresa, famous nun and missionary once suggested we “do small things with great love.” She saw this as everyday acts of service. In the end, it’s about listening to what the people we love care about. Even when it’s self indulgent piffle.
My invitation to you:
Sit down. Consider this.
What is one thing you don’t care about but you’re tolerating anyway? Depending on what this is, make a plan to reduce putting yourself through something you just don’t care about.
Then follow through on avoiding getting into a situation where you need to tolerate this. You’re in charge of yourself and your life.
Good luck,
- Here’s the Seraphina Speaks BTS episode for the THINGS I DON’T CARE ABOUT podcast episode
- This American Life episode is funny and inspired my episode.